why?

why? because even though i cried on the way home from ballet aged 11 for feeling a failure, I knew the feeling I got from a waltz in time with the music, or the rhythm of a tricky enchainement, was worth pursuing. because when I performed even in front of a small bemused crowd on a rainy afternoon in swindon, i loved the thrill of showing what we had done, of working together. because when we sat and discussed each other's work for Foundation at Birkbeck, I found something inspiring in that environment of cooperative creativity and support. Because when I was tired and I went to capoeira anyway, I walked home feeling utterly elated and enlivened by the challenge and the energy and the community of it. Because of the importance of breaking through my own barriers, whether it be saying a word out loud to many people, or sharing my own work. Because of the awe and delight I felt watching the beauty of free-runners using the built environment as a playground. Because all of the times my heart has swelled up watching dancers perform with every cell in their body, watching a language talk to me through movement and pace and energy. Because of the moments of revelation. Because of the grounding my yoga practice gives me. Because of the fascination I find in reading about the human body. Because when i read about the symbolism of the heart, or bodies in history, or isadora duncan; or when I see friends performing, or a circus performance on the South Bank, or Sylvie Guillem; or when I go to an acrobatics class, or a choreographic session, or I dance in my kitchen... then I feel like these are pieces of a puzzle. That there are all these strands which fascinate me - anatomy and physiology, the history of dance, the study of performance, medical histories, views of the body, dance and movement in communities and for individuals, yoga, martial arts, circus arts, dance, dance theatre, physical theatre, movement therapy, choreography, choreology.... that somehow I want to collect and collate and tie all together. To explore and to build on and to collect together.

Because although I don't know exactly what I want to do, I know I want to pursue all these avenues and see what comes of it. Because although I may not become a professional choreographer, a yoga teacher, a massage therapist, a researcher in dance anthropology, or any of the many other ideas I come up with, I shouldn't let that detract me from exploring those things that inspire me and excite me and I shouldn't let that stop me from being fully open to all possibilities.

Millions of dancing cells, in my body all the time. Millions of dancing people that I meet along the way. Millions of dancing ideas, searching for context, in my brain. Millions of inspirational moments, dancing in the world around me.

I just want to record somewhere altogether, all the things I always think I want to capture and do something with. And build for myself a scrapbook of ideas and support, and inspiration and memories. And maybe for others too - an interesting repository of things seen and experienced and thought.

That's that. That's why.